I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
