Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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