I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My feet surprised me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
