I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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