my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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