To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
