I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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