This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
