I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
