It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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