Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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