Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
