Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
