he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
