No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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