Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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