Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
