My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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