from now on my penis is your penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
