I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
