butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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