not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
