I wish life had little blips of pornography
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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