I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
