Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
