Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
