Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
