is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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