I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
