my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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