Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
