So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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