I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
