definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
