tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
