She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
