hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
