What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is Oprah even human
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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