Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
