Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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