you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
