dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
