so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
