Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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