You just made me feel so damn special
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You are a genius and a whore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
