you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
