life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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