I wannas sexs uuuuu
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
