Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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