i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my poor anus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
